Blatheration

Back from awesome trip.

Mrs Doclee and I finally rolled back into town to finish our whirlwind adventure across the Ozarks.  We ended up in Nashville somehow and were fortunate enough to be admitted into the hallowed Charlie Daniels shrine of awesomeness where we beheld an amazing plethora of his personal collection of junk.  Also his belt buckle.  Broadway in Music City is a lot like Sunset in LA, except for the lack of stars in the sidewalk and the apparent shortage of dentists.

I will be travelling today with SGT Kevin to more Super High Intensity Training in Ashland NE, wherever that is for a couple of weeks.  Stay tuned for updates.

Also, our sources in Hollywood CA have informed us that Miss Crabgrass is now gainfully employed.  Good Job Miss Crabgrass!

And...Miss Kathylu has finally acquired a car that does not drool.  Good for her.  The driveway thanks her also.

Today is the end time

Today is the last day of "work" before the big adventure begins.  First a road trip to Dallas for a repeat of my stellar performance before the commissioning board.  Should that go well (and it will, but they will lose my paperwork again as they have every time previously) I may get another trip to Arizona instead of Iraq.

Barring that it's then off to the wilds of Nebraska, where SGT Kevin and I will become Powerpoint Rangers, then it's off to the Scenic wonderland of New Jersey where we will learn to butcher and denigrate the Arabic language, much as we have done English.  Afterward, another trip to the exotic Middle East, where we will be engaged in the dangerous business of listening to the locals complain about their neighbors, local services, the police, the Army guy who "promised" to build a municipal swimming pool and the price of food nowadays.  A lot like visiting a nursing home, really.

I will keep you posted, and keep an eye on the Vets for Freedom website.  I will be posting dispatches there for Mr. Hegseth.  I'll fill you in on the details as soon as I can.

More later.

Oh, yeah...forgot

Erin go brah, to all you Irish types.  Remember your etiquette tonight and try not to puke on anyone important.  

Read on...

Gala event held

Owing to the generous donation of New York strips from Ivan's Meat Shop (479-636-3636) some  already overfed troops were treated to an over-the-top barbecue over the weekend (see how many times I used "over" right back there? Hey another one!).  Oh, right.  Ahem.  A handpicked selection of local military personnel prepping for yet another deployment to Iraq were given a once in a lifetime opportunity to dine with the reclusive Doclee family and tour the grounds of the famous "family compound".

The tour included the research and test facilities as well as the family quarters and a tour of the grounds.  As a special treat, Doclee allowed a brief look at the projects underway at the newly dedicated Dolly Jean Dog memorial museum, which was shown in a rare state of not utter chaos, having been gone through earlier in the day by a specially trained team of robed acolytes, armed with candles, incense, cat litter and brooms.  Also beer. (Actually "Beer 30 light" which is from Wisconsin, so probably technically qualifies as beer)

After dinner, a special award was made to Father Mucky (the father of Private Mucky, who managed to behave himself...mostly)  in the form of the one remaining, highly coveted  black PSYOP hat, while PVT Carny was given the WTF award for not bothering to answer the call and therefore missing this rare event.  He shall recieve punishment.  Also, we ate his steak.

Special thanks to Baby Mucky for being so darned cute (he looks nothing like his father) and for not damaging any personal property.  Special apologies to Ma Mucky for the insensitive remarks regarding dirty hippies.  We really had no idea.

And special special thanks to Mrs. Doclee for her forbearance and her skill at entertaining and not starting any shit. Also the delicious potato salad.  

Lemons from lemonade

Or something like that.  I have taken the opprtunity of bad weather to take some "me time".  A time to relax, reflect and drink brown liquor.  Actually, after running around all afternoon tying up "loose ends", I have returned to the family compound to read a good book.  And cop a buzz.  Mostly buzz copping, since I can't find my glasses (stupid encroaching middle age).  I did manage to renew my license plate, which to my surprise, was a meager $4.75, thanks to my stellar service during Operation Iraqi Freedom.  Hmm...get shot at for a year and save  30 bucks on the plates from now on...not a bad deal in my book.  That's almost as good a deal as the Antique plates, which are $14.00 and don't have to be renewed. 

Regarding loose ends; these things crop up just before a deployment and require immediate attention from all but the most robust procrastinator.

  

1) Clean 16 pints of transmission fluid from garage floor before someone slips in it: answer: it will probably evaporate and besides, nobody has any business out there but me anyway. ((come to think of it, it could serve as a deterrent for Idiot Nephew #2 (Mr. Fang) who is a notorious tool kleptomaniac. Good argument, Doclee!))

2) Saw off roots sticking up from unfortunate tree-freezing-and-falling-in-the-street.  No problem, roots are organic and should rot in their own time.

3) Burn off stump from tree in back which suffered the same fate.  No problem.  Fire is our friend.

4) Replacing the newly leaking hot water tank is going to be hard to overlook, though Mrs. Doclee could easily take her showers next door.  Maybe if I ignore it long enough, it will become an emergency and Idiot Nephew #6 (Mr. Skilsaw) who is adept at plumby things, but not power tools, will feel sorry for her and fix it. But probably not.

5) Rounding up all the stray cats who have decided to use our flower beds as personal litterboxes.  No problem, this is more of a hobby than a chore.  Besides, cats attract Hobos.

Anyone wishing to help finish up Mrs. Doclee's "wish list" may come by in person and apply.  Bring liquor, though.

Stupid global warming...

or climate change or whatever it is they're calling it now.  I know it's just the usual psychotic Ozark weather but dang it...I have stuff to do. 80 degrees one day and freezing the next.  It certainly is enough to harsh a fellow's mellow.

You will be pleased to know that the ads you see running alonside this text are really starting to pay off.  So far, I have recieved a total of 250 Iraqi Dinars.  If this keeps up for another month I will be able to afford a brand new pack of Juicy Fruit.

Miss Crabgrass is now in Hollywood CA, at the behest of Aunt Rosie, who is going to help launch her career in the lucrative Latino Cuisine industry.  Good luck Miss Crabgrass.  Don't forget all us "little people" when you get famous.  Also, call your mother.  She worries.  Not me though,  (snif...).  Anyway, the nest is technically empty, except for the presence of evil geriatric cat, Buddy and Kathy Lu, who is neither geriatric, nor particularly evil, but is hanging out until #1 Son alights in Elk City.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Elk City, good for you. 

The good part is that Doclee got his car back after loaning it to Miss Crabgrass for a few months.  It's just like I left it except when I left it, it actually showed oil on the dipstick, the wipers were not stuck at half-stroke, the bumper was straight, the windshield was a stylish one piece afffair, and it smelled like a car instead of a Paris nightclub.  Also the radio worked.  That was ofter only 3 months.  Well done, Miss Crabgrass.  Well done.

I could have lived with it as is, but was reminded that I am to spend many hours in the car with childhood chum Sergeant Kevin so that we can return to Ashland NE for further training in preparation for another all expense paid trip to the Cradle of Civilization.  Anyway, since I have known SGT Kevin since grade school, and he tends to have opinions about things, I thought it prudent to at least install a new sound system.  A loud one.  Interesting fact:  SGT Kevin was the only second grader in the Siloam Springs School System with a mustache. 

We have a report that Mr. Greenjeans is lonely at his new job in Ireland.  I think I should post his e-mail here so that all you hot babes (you are hot babes, right?) can contact him and possibly cheer him up a little. 

Back later.

Sorry for the lack of updates.  My "part time" employer has been trying to get it's money's worth. Drill weekends (or "battle assembly", as it is now called) used to be one weekend a month but that went away a long time ago.  I will get caught up with things here and be back soon.

Glacial progress

First:  The legendary Ford FE engine

In the handy 390 cubic inch displacement size, it's perfect for the family car or pickup.  With the C4AE-6090-G heads and a slightly lumpy Speed Pro cam, it can help get the groceries home before the ice cream melts.  But considering who built this thing, youmight want to bring a pair of comfortable walking shoes, just in case.  A word about the background; this is the rarely seen interior of the destructive engineering test facility located on the ground of the Family Compound.  It could use a good cleaning, but Mrs. Doclee has been busy with having company, wedding preparation and booze to get to it much lately.  I'm sure she will get right to it after daylight savings time starts and she has more time at night.

Here's the glacial part:  You start with this truck...

Add in part of this truck:

Give this guy a bunch of money...

And then wait some more.  This, ladies is Ed the body man (and human Sloth) and yes, he is single.  Leave him alone until I get my truck back, though, okay?  He doesn't need any more distractions.  Seriously, a shop like his doesn't do anything very fast, but they are quite good.

More exciting pics to come.