Blatheration

Alien Update

This is Mazorg the Destroyer.

Fearsome creature.

Get yours now, before they're all gone!

Memo to Ace: I dont like Libertarians much either.
Memo to Vicky: Liberians, fine, Librarians ditto.

Anyway, the visiting creatures are still with us, though one has been spoken for.

Forgot to add this

My abject apologies for omitting necessary imagery (also for using the hack phrase "huddle in fear" twice in the preceeding post. I don't know what came over me. Must be some kind of alien "mind control".) Anyway, here it is. Lust after it. You want one of these.

Read on.

Aliens invade Ozark community

An event that may decide the fate of the human species occured this weekend when a sleepy Arkansas community was invaded by visitors from another planet.

While out walking, a handsome local Chiropractor and his attractive wife came across the wreckage of what appeared to be a small aircraft or weather apparatus of some kind, or perhaps a cardboard box. Rummaging through the remains, they made contact with the inhabitants, who were at first thought to be dead, but were affirmed to be merely unconscious. They were described as rather small, with large eyes and covered in some sort of advanced fabric, presumably armor of a type not yet developed by humans.

While attempting to acertain the condition of all four visitors, the couple were siezed by a mind control device or technique and forced to conduct the aliens three and a half miles to safe quarters. Once there, they comandeered quarters for themselves and forced the human inhabitants to prepare alien food for them and to stand by while awaiting further instructions. The invaders proved to be a troublesome lot, quarreling among themselves and demanding attention at the most inconvienient times. The citizens huddle in fear, awaiting help from the National Guard, but fearing that the Governer has also had his mind redirected and will send no help.

Doctor Percival Quonset III, Professor of Alien Anatomy at nearby John Brown University ("A positive difference, if you can afford it") has theorized that it may be possible to reduce the effectiveness of the aliens' mind control power if they were to be separated by a reasonable distance. "But", he cautions, "this must occur before they have had time to assimilate to their current environment, or all bets ar off."

The town huddles in fear at what may be a very dark time for humanity.

A computer enhanced image of the invaders:

Anyone want a puppy? These were enhanced with extra cuteness. Some A**hole left all four of these little gals in a box alongside a dirt road in OK this weekend. What is it with these jerks? They look to be about 4 or 5 weeks old, not walking very well, but trying to run anyway. Leaving them out to be run over or eaten. Nice.

The plus side is that this week only, I'm running a special, in conjuction with The Studio. Free puppy with every purchase or service valued at $0.30 or more. Make your appointment and order that stained glass window you 've always dreamed of and get a super cutified puppy of your very own. Don't wait because a deal like this can't last long.

Finally...Geez!

Since my last post was the last post i posted, i intend to make it up to you, my valued reader by assuring that this post is the next one.

That being said (or rather, typ-ed), there are, many and sundry reasons for pecunious posting which shall not be described here. Suffice to say that I had a bad case of split infinitives and a dangling participle (That was for you "Mom".) but with rest and plenty of cheap cigars, am now fit to resume bloggage.

So....what do you guys want to talk about? Le Tour De France? I don't like cheaters or druggies, so I hope they have rooted them all out by now and that Team Discovery wins again to extend American hegemony. If not, oh well. It is, after all, just a game. Cool bikes though.

Cheap cigars? My preference is for expensive ones if I'm not buying or if Mrs. Doclee is paying attention (she is), but for a default it's hard to beat good ol' Kentucky 'terbaccy. Avanti Cigar Company in Scranton PA makes the cheapest cigars around, made from only the finest Kentucky weed AND they don't need to be babied in a humidor. Also, if you can't light them, you can always eat them for real tobacco goodness. Just try to not be too careless with your spittles. It puts the ladies off.

I have been made a member of the American Medical Writers Association, so if you need any complex scientific concepts made legible and intelligible to your target audience, let me know. I'll work for cigars. Right now I'm working on a piece about why you kids need to wash your hands after making toidy, and not just because they smell like s*** either, though that is an acceptable rationale.

Finally this:

"A day without mandolins is like every other day except there aren't any mandolins."
-George Bernard Hedgestomper

Have a super terrific happy day. More later.

Memo to Beambuilder Billy: Its past your nap time.

Update

It appears that I inadvertently clicked the little "save" button before i was done with today's exciting installment. I shall clarify.

Is it a banjo? Is it a mandolin? Neither. Both. It's a "Banjolin" by Vega. Now you can enjoy the twangy goodness and good looks of a banjo in a package the size of a mandolin. Wow. Dreams really do come true. Not particularly good dreams, but you have to admit it's kind of cute. Of course like all engineering, it is a compromise. If you appreciate banjo pickin', this will leave you cold. If you are a mandolin aficianado (and admit it, who isn't) it will merely irritate you. I do not know of anyone who appreciates this poor little instrument other than on cuteness factor.

Come to think of it, I don't know very many people who appreciate much of anything. Philistines.

Remembrances of 4th of Julys past

I was sitting around rubbing my belly last night after partaking of massive quantities of healthful and nutritious dead animal (oh yeah, and some salsd) trying to remember what I was doing last July 4. After a bit of sleepy thought, it came to me. My partner, SGT Cuddles and I were waiting in the chow line when one soldier said to another soldier, "Hey dude, today is the 4th of July." Upon which the other soldier replied, "Huh."
How's that for patriotism. Well it made me laugh anyway.

Mrs. Doclee and I declined the offer of an escort to the Big Fireworks Display, and came home and crashed. Weariness enveloped us as we (meaning "not me")had spent all day changing the color of our house from gray to green. I helped by letting Mrs. Doclee have a drink of my Fresca. Also I swept up some paint scrapings. (not too many though, I don't want her to get spoiled)

My main task for the day was to mow the lawn. Twice. There has been so much rain lately that the lawn is actually threatening to overtake the pond, which would be a very bad thing indeed. In fact, I was sure I saw an alligator in the grass, but it turned out to be a crawdad. Still scary though.

Here's something I hope you'll really like:

I shall return tomorrow. Probably.

Happy 4th

Live from Mr. and Mrs. Cuddles where we enjoy alcohol-y goodness while awaiting the seared flesh.  Follow up tomorrow.