A Siloam Springs girl, having been raised in a substandard home and driven to school in a substandard manner in an "ugly" truck has taken matters into her own hands this week. D. "Crabgrass" Lee, 16 told our reporter that things just came to a head this past month when she was very nearly not the recipient of a new 30 GB Ipod color. "Well, you know, I just can't live like this anymore. The lowspeed cable modem connection, the puny 17 inch monitor, and don't get me started on that antique 512 MHz processor! If these "parents" of mine can't cut the mustard, then I'll just do it myself." Stated the Siloam Springs native, who's parents are reputedly so cheap they insist on keeping the thermostat locked at 65 in the winter.
That's correct. 65. It's no mystery to see why the young lady was forced to seek her own way out of her hellish existence and can now be found here, at the local Subway, slaving over a variety of flavorful and healthy cheeses, meats and vegetables. For 16 hours a week the petite, aspiring singer toils amidst an array of oven fresh bread, allowed to consume a mere 6 inch sandwich during her grueling 4 hour shift before having to return to the living hell she calls home and endure her mother's prying questions, her father's stale humor, and her antiquated 21 inch television with just 71 channels. And of course it goes without saying that her parents have quite stymied the idea of her owning even a used BMW, let alone a Mercedes.
Queried about the allegation that he require his only daughter to drive a vehicle with over 100,000 miles in this well-to-do Ozark community, her Father, reputed to be a chiropractor, replies between huffs of helium that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with driving a used vehicle. "Hey", he squeaks, "It's got four wheel drive. Want a bolloon girraffe?"
Her mother, Mrs. Doclee, responded to the criticism by reminding the reporter that back when she (Mrs. Doclee) was growing up in Northern British Columbia, Canada NOBODY had a car. Nobody. That they walked everywhere they went. Even to work. According to the svelte Mrs. Doclee, it has, to date, not killed anybody.
Miss Lee's plans include finishing High School and then moving next door into the guest house where she can finally be on her own while she attends college.
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